acts_of_gord | (no subject)

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Gordon got used to bad sleep long, long ago. It's better than it used to be- five hours at a stretch before the nightmares kick in, sometimes more than that- but it's still a very strange thing for him to wake up without some sort of interruption or disturbance.

This night, alas, is a strange thing of an entirely different sort. When his breath catches and his eyes flick open, he lies very still while the world stops blurring and spinning, the way it always does when he's wrenched straight to wakefulness from REM; then he rolls onto his back to stare up at the ceiling for a while, just to be sure it's there and he's here.

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"It was ... I saw it through your eyes," Gordon says slowly. "That's how it seemed, anyway. You were running... I think it was the Incident. I recognized the blood."

"I... don't remember much of the Incident," Alyx admits. "After Mom was... it's just one big blur after that."

"I'm not really surprised," Gordon admits. "I'm surprised anyone who was your age at the time remembers anything at all... but in the dream you tripped while something was chasing you. Only you didn't fall. Everything stopped, and you thought you were dead, and that's when Greyface showed up."

"Then what happened?"

"He said you weren't dead," Gordon says. "And that he'd been watching you for some time, and that he'd come to offer you a choice. If you agreed to do him a favor in the future, he'd get you out of there, and if you didn't, he'd send you back to what was chasing you."

Which only now strikes him with the full force of what the hell, she wasn't even three years old yet.

Alyx's frown deepens slightly.

"...that's it? Just 'a favor'?"

Gordon rubs at his temples, thinking. "I... he said, "I will do you this favor, and in return, you will do something for me... later." And that it wouldn't be anything difficult," he finally says. "At least, that's what I remember him saying."

It's not the kind of voice you want to remember too closely, even if you couldn't forget it if you tried.

Alyx sits up on the bed, wrapping her arms around her knees, staring at the far wall.

"I still don't remember any of that."

Gordon sits up as well and puts his arm around her shoulders.

"I don't know where it came from. I really don't."

Alyx leans against him, just a little, but doesn't speak.

It was a dream, she wants to say. That doesn't mean it really happened.

Somehow, she can't get herself to believe it.

"You know what was weird about it," Gordon says quietly, hoping to maybe steer the conversation down a slightly less unnerving course. "It all felt like you- like I was you, I mean..." He waves his free hand vaguely. "And then I woke up and I was me again."

"How d'you mean?"

Gordon sighs; he doesn't really know how to explain this. Eventually, though, he says, "I know how fast the things at Black Mesa could run. I had to outrun enough of them. But in the dream I was only about as fast as somebody with a three-year-old's legs could run. It wasn't one of those nightmares where you're moving too slowly to get away, either. It was like remembering only being able to run that fast, there."

Edited 2009-11-09 19:52 (UTC)

"Hm. Were you, like, thinking my thoughts, too?"

"I think so," Gordon says. "I remember you thinking about your parents."

He blinks a few times as something swims up from memory.

"... I remember seeing your mother."

Alyx looks up sharply.

"You--" She swallows; her mouth has suddenly gone dry. "You what?"

"After the ... it was a bullsquid, wasn't it."

Alyx just nods.

There really aren't any words for it, not even for someone much more eloquent than Gordon. He's just going to tighten his arms around Alyx instead.

Alyx leans back against Gordon, closing her eyes.

It's been twenty years--more than that, now. But the image of her mother's broken body is still burned into her memory, as clear as if it happened moments ago.

"I'm sorry."

He's only got the memory from a glimpse in a dream, but it's enough to give him the idea.

"What for? It's not your fault..."

"You just..." He shakes his head. "Nothing like that should happen to children. None of it."

Alyx lets out a long, slow breath.

"'Should' and 'did' are two different things, Gordon."

"I know," Gordon says. "That doesn't mean I can't still wish it'd been otherwise."

"Me too."

He kisses the top of her head gently.

"Regardless, it's over now."

"Yeah... I guess it is." She smiles, faintly. "Thank you, Gordon."

"You're welcome," Gordon murmurs. "Think you can get back to sleep now?"

"Probably. How about you?"

"As long as you're here."

He didn't mean to say that out loud, but he'll roll with it.

Alyx's smile broadens. She turns herself around a bit so she can crane her neck just far enough to give Gordon a peck on the jawline.

"Always."

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