Damn Loompas.

[acts_of_gord]

Some days are longer than others. Days where the weather outside is rainy and bleak, and an attempt to get to the target range involved several falls and a lot of scratches and mud, and the sleep the night before had been poorer, thinner stuff than usual are a fine example of this. All Gordon wants at the end of a day like this is the chance to get warm and put on dry clothes.

There is, however, a slight problem. Namely: the door to room 287 is not there.

And the replacement, a life-sized, hyper-realistic sculpture of Han Solo encased in carbonite- which appears to have been made from dark chocolate- does not seem to have a knob or handle of any kind...

Comments

[vance_prime]

"And that would be...?"

[acts_of_gord]

... oh, right, no chocolate if you can't actually get to South America.

"A type of candy. It's not normally sold in pieces this big." He eyes the sculpture. "Or this wrong."

[vance_prime]

The mun would not be surprised if the cacao tree was extinct in Alyx's time. Because the HLverse is JUST THAT MEAN.

Alyx eyes the thing warily. "Yeahhh, I'm not comfortable with food that looks like it's in intense pain as you're eating it."

[acts_of_gord]

"It's shaped like a movie prop," says Gordon. "I'll have to show you someday."

He runs a hand wearily over his face.

"Dammit, my clothes were in there. I wonder how long it'd take to break through..."

[vance_prime]

"It's food," Alyx points out. "It can't be that hard to break if it's something you can chew, right?"

[acts_of_gord]

Gordon nods and finds a spot to set the crowbar. The job of hacking away at the chocolate is harder than you'd think- he hasn't got a hammer, after all- but eventually chunks start falling out and reveal...

... a depressingly solid backing. We're talkin' steel or something here.

There are times when not being the kind of man who swears much weighs heavier on Gordon than others. This is one of those times.

Oh, and the chocolate around the impact site is melting itself back into the hacked-out area as they watch.

[vance_prime]

.

.

.

See, Gordon isn't the only one who can react silently!

[acts_of_gord]

Well, not quite silently. If only because thumping his head against the wall makes a noise. But, yeah.

"I cannot even begin to say how much I hate this place sometimes."

[vance_prime]

You're indoors and nobody's attempting to make you dead in the immediate future. Count your blessings.

"Listen, my room is right here if you want to get cleaned up..."

[acts_of_gord]

This is true. This is very, very true.

Gordon lifts his head away from the wall and smiles gratefully in Alyx's direction. Who knows. Maybe by the time he's dry again this will all turn out to have been a momentary thing and his door will be back.

And maybe they're working on flying pig synths at the Citadel, but a man can dream, can't he?

[vance_prime]

Alyx opens the door and leads Gordon into her room (which isn't that different from his, except that it's considerably less lived-in at this point). "Bathroom's right over there," she says, pointing. "They have running water here, isn't that awesome?"

The novelty of that isn't wearing off anytime soon.

[acts_of_gord]

"Water and climate control," agrees Gordon, "the hallmarks of civilization."

He's been on a few camping trips. Collecting water and purifying it or boiling it to use, he doesn't mind so much- but temperature issues and the use of pit latrines were another story.

"I'll try to be quick. Thank you, Alyx."

[vance_prime]

"Don't worry about it."

[acts_of_gord]

He'd originally planned on trying to mend his jeans in his room, but that's obviously not going to be an option now. Sitting around in his shorts, needle and thread in hand or no, is best done alone. So is waiting for his clothing to dry. Well... at least they're not getting any wetter, and he's clean again when he has to put them back on. That counts for something.

He's feeling a lot better when he emerges from the bathroom this time. "It hasn't spontaneously reverted, has it?"

[vance_prime]

Alyx peeks out the front door, then shakes her head. "Nope. Sorry."

[acts_of_gord]

"Mm." Gordon shakes his head. "And the vents in the residential areas are too small to climb through."

He checked.

[vance_prime]

Alyx shrugs. "You could always just stay here... I mean, a bed's a bed, right?"

[acts_of_gord]

"... uh."

Never mind the enthusiasm about running water. This is the point of delineation between someone who grew up on an un-fielded Earth and someone who did not.

"I... maybe I'd ... better sleep on the floor."

[vance_prime]

Alyx looks puzzled. "What? It's not like the bed's not big enough, it's huge."

[acts_of_gord]

"No, it- the-"

He glances at the bed worriedly. It is most assuredly not huge by hotel room standards. That's queen sized at best, maybe smaller.

"I don't think you realize how hard it is to get any actual sleep when there's an attractive member of the opposite sex in bed with- I said that out loud, didn't I?"

[vance_prime]

Blink. Blink.

"What?"

That's a 'what' of incomprehension, rather than a 'what' of 'you had better not have just said that.'

[acts_of_gord]

He's not quite the color of a Coke can, but he's really close right now. There is nowhere to hide.

"No field plus close physical proximity equals serious stimulation whether anyone's looking for it or not," he mumbles, eyes very firmly on a point somewhere several inches to the left of Alyx's right ear.


THIS IS WHY HE DOESN'T USUALLY TALK.

[vance_prime]

...

"Seriously? That's all it takes?"

Alyx is stepping awaaaaaaay from Gordon now.

[acts_of_gord]

"It doesn't- it doesn't mean anything's going to happen, necessarily- I mean, it is subject to willpower and self control- but... um... yeah."

Oh, how we wish we had a facepalming icon right now.

[vance_prime]

"And... you... really think I'm attractive?"

She sounds genuinely surprised by that.